Tag Archives: Relationships

Knowledge Is Power

A poem by Me…for whomever…

I have decided that every day I will put forth the effort to learn more about myself and better overstand my life.
From the very beginning…to the present day, I HAVE to learn what has caused my people so much strife.
This thing didn’t start with Martin Luther King or should I say Michael King, Jr….do you know who I mean?
This thing didn’t start with Mary McLeod Bethune…these are just the ones they want to be seen.
This thing started the day they started erasing Our Story and calling it their own to make us feel like nothing.
This thing started the day they decided we weren’t worth shit and wanted to treat us like we weren’t really something.
You see….until Our History is recognized and Our Story is told truthfully….
These muthafuckas gone always feel how they feel and look at us stupidly.
Everyday that we degrade Our Women and make Our Men feel like shit….
Is a step in the wrong direction and empowering that Willie Lynch bullshit.
We must understand that Knowledge is Power and THAT’S NOT JUST A SLOGAN!
We must take control of our future and fix what is truly broken.




The New Me…

The new me came about a few months ago but has been in the making for a while. As I look back on my life, I see so many experiences, people and things have brought me to this point. I don’t regret anything. I don’t harbor animosity. I don’t hate anyone. I want all of this to be clear. I don’t envy anyone’s life or jealous of anything anyone has. I am that I am. And sweetheart….I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY LOHNNIE.

My journey started a few months ago as I stated previously. I was in a bit of a rut. Trying to really figure out what I wanted and needed to do with my life. Things looked great on the outside….I guess, but inside I was falling apart. Everyday we all age and move closer in the direction we have positioned ourselves in. I was unclear of what to do. The energy that I was receiving from my housemates was killing me…slowly. I think that a lot of people don’t understand that whatever energy you receive constantly or whatever energy you surround yourself with can change the course of how things go for you as well. If you are around negative people who bring negative situations into your life….you will carry that energy with you regardless of how positive you are. So everyday, if I wanted or needed to be productive, I had to leave the house just to have a clear mind. I had to leave the house just to be able to think clearly. I look back now and think…”What kind of hell was I living in and why did I do that?” But I know why. Negative energy can hold you down so long that you can’t and won’t see how to move forward. I made excuses for why I was doing what I was doing but the truth is….I was depressed. The medication was no help to me and it pushed me down even further. Sometimes all a person needs is to just talk about what bothers them. Sometimes all a person needs is an opportunity to see clearly. Sometimes all a person needs is to find their real motivation.

Months went by. Then years and I still made no progress. I was stagnant. I had succumbed to my surroundings and I started feeling too comfortable in the life I was living. I settled. It was the worse thing that I could have ever done but I allowed it to happen because I lost something. I lost something that I had my entire life up until a few years ago. I lost my self-confidence. Allowing what I THOUGHT should have been my life to take over. Allowing what I thought should have been mine to cause me pain and regret. I let people use me and take parts of me with them. My depression took over every aspect of my life. My self-confidence was based on what others thought of me. My lack of self-appreciation took me down many dark roads and caused me to attract more pain into my life. The uniqueness that was me was MIA.

The saying goes….”Whatever you feed will flourish. Whatever you starve will surely die.” I had to make a conscious decision to love and care for me and my life. I was feeding what was trying to kill me. I was feeding what was trying to destroy me. In life, we must decide what we will continue to feed and what we want to die. Thought, energy and words give power. What we fail to realize is that focus feeds the beast…whether good or bad…it feeds it. When you constantly give a person, a thing, a topic, an issue…anything you give energy or focus will grow. It feeds and prospers off of your attention. For months I believed that by spreading awareness of Lupus and the fact that I lived with this illness everyday would help draw more attention and help shed light. Honestly, all it did was drag me further into depression, hurt, dis-ease and confusion. I believed that it was what my life was all about but in reality I was birthed to be so much more than what I have! I started hurting and being in more pain than I have ever been. I was feeding the beast! My entire adult life I had lived with Lupus and no one knew! People would come to me and say that they never knew and wanted to know when I found out. I had been knowingly living with this dis-ease since I was 15 years old yet I had been living my life like I had no problems! Why? Because I didn’t feed the beast. I didn’t blame every pain, hurt or situation on my life with Lupus. Don’t get me wrong….I’m not saying that anyone should ignore their health. I’m not saying that you should just up and stop taking your meds. But what I am saying is that medicating isn’t working. Feeding the beast is not working. Being depressed is not working. Isolating myself is not working!

The pharmaceutical “business” is an entirely different subject that I really can’t begin to touch today. However, what I will say is that all of these medications that they give us only lead to more problems. Not only more issues with the initial reason for you taking the meds in the first place but also causing other problems that have nothing to do with the initial problem! The definition of medicine according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary the science and art dealing with the maintenance of health and the prevention, alleviation, or cure of disease. Yet modern medicine does NONE of this! It doesn’t prevent anything. It doesn’t effectively alleviate or cure anything! If anything, you develop other health issues and then go back to the doctor to allow them to make you even sicker. But again….that’s a topic for another day.


I’m BACK!!!!

Hello everyone!!!

I know that I was M.I.A. for the past week but I AM BACK!!! Planning and stressing about my birthday was crazy but now that it is over, I can rest easy….or as easy as I can rest. Either way, I will be back on it today and as a matter of fact as we speak, I am working on my next post.

I am going to continue on the path that I have been on with the rules for relationships. I actually have two posts in mind….one for the ladies and one for the fellas. Make sure that you stay turned for the posts….they will definitely cause some eyes to get really big (to say the least).

~Lohnnie Cakes

Dating Rules Part I


I went looking for all this information about dating, love and single women rules. After all, I am a dating single woman who would at some point in life be in love….lol. But after my weekend, I needed a boost or some type of outlet for all of these things in my head. I am so blessed to be able to come on my blog and just type how I feel! Its therapeutic with out paying all the money for a therapist or  gym membership.

The guys that I meet….most of them are crazy, crazy or just plain crazy! They all try to make themselves and/or life look better than what it really is. Its shameful that ANY man has to portray himself as a controller of his destiny when he is just being controlled. Don’t claim to be a “BOSS” when you don’t own ANYTHING. Don’t claim to have money when you are worried about $100. Don’t claim to live a life that you don’t live….PERIOD! Its really becoming an epidemic and its spreading fast!! Men aren’t what they used to be and the same thing could be said for women (but I’m talking about men right now lol).

So I searched the Internet high and low to find what other thought about the dating world. What rules they had adapted and what made them adapt those rules? I found a fellow blogger by the name of Demetria Lucas, she is the author of A Belle In BrooklynShe also wrote an article called “8 Essential Dating Rules for Today’s Single Woman“* in which she talks about some rules that she thinks every single woman should know.

She set forth the following rules:

Article 1: Married folk must remove all exes from their personal basket and return items to the shelf for consumption by the general market. Said married people are not obligated to hook up, arrange blind dates, or introduce their single friends to said exes.

Article 2: Currently booed-up people can still claim exes off-limits, if the ex is within the last three years. Upon entering a monogamous relationship, they must release all exes with whom they parted ways more than three years back into the open market for general consumption.

Article 3: All college boos must be released back into the open market for general consumption at three years post-graduation.

Article 4: All great loves remain off-limits to the circle of associates, regardless of marital/dating status.

Article 5: One-night stands are in play after ninety days.
*Anyone your friends would say fits the description of Big on Sex and the City.

Article 6: Jump-offs who have not been active for more than twelve months are fair game.

Article 7: Your ex’s inner circle of friends remains off-limits unless the ex grants permission. His associates are fair game without asking permission.

Article 8: In the case of a man who has been “claimed,” i.e., an interest has been expressed, but a return interest has not been expressed, said man is in play of friends and associates after a period of seven days.

They seem pretty simple, but these are rules that woman struggle with everyday!! But these rules didn’t quite cover what I had on my mind. I needed a set of rules or things that all women should think about when meeting and dating these men of today. So now I feel like I have been commissioned to do this!! I have been thru enough in my adult dating life to know what we should be looking for as indicators to let us know when a dude is crazy!!

Another article that I ran across was on the Glamour.com website. The article is called “15 Love Rules of Single Women“** and it is comprised of different people giving suggestions. Awesome advice for people (not just women) who are having a tough time dating. (Me included lol) I’m only going to highlight a few of the rules….

Rule #1: “Guys are like subway trains. Don’t run after them; another one is on its way.”
—canuck, on glamour.com
This is very true!! Depending upon where you in the world, the ratio of men to women can be ridiculous and discourage most women but you are in luck!! If you live in a big city, the ratio of men to women is out of wack….most definitely. Men are everywhere but the trick is to find a GOOD man.

Rule #2: “If he says he isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him.”
—Kerri Otto, 32, Traverse City, Mich.
If he says that he is not ready….RUN!! This is a man that, depending on what he really wants, can be dangerous! Don’t think that he will change his mind or that you are the special one that can change him. He isn’t looking for a GIRLFRIEND….seriously. I’m serious….seriously!

Rule #3: “My grandfather had some gems: ‘Don’t be with a stupid man just to be with any man.’ ‘A real man always takes care of his family.’ ‘You don’t want to be walked over, and you don’t want a man you can walk over, either.’ And my favorite: ‘Don’t be a fool, Michelle. You can be anything you want, but don’t be a fool.’”
—Michelle Porter, 28, Charlotte, N.C
All of these “gems” are very useful especially the one about being with a stupid man!!

Rule #4: “Respect yourself. I said to my ex, ‘I’m not going to make you my everything if I’m only your something.’”
—Alyssa Stabile, 19, Boston
If you respecting yourself, it will show in everything you do and a man will see that and have no choice but to follow suit.

Rule #5: “It’s OK to show up at a guy’s house with a dozen roses and declare your undying affection. It’s OK to have too much to drink and call your ex 20 times and then to be mortally embarrassed when you realize your number must have shown up on his caller ID. It’s OK, because making a fool of yourself for love is ultimately about you, how much you have to give and the distances you will travel to keep your heart wide open when everything around you makes you feel like slamming it shut and soldering it closed.”
—Veronica Chambers, Glamour’s features director and author of The Joy of Doing Things Badly
I had to save this one for last. This is probably the best piece of advice that anyone could give but I urge any woman to know and make sure that he is the right man.

*Read more: http://www.tipsonlifeandlove.com/love-and-relationships/8-essential-dating-rules-for-todays-single-woman#ixzz1mzFlCG7U
**Read More http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/02/15-love-rules-for-single-women#ixzz1mzYBTZnB

~Lohnnie Cakes

Last minute Valentine’s Day gifts

So you waited until the last minute to get something for your boo for Valentine’s Day and now you either have no idea about what you want to buy them. Or maybe you don’t have the funds to buy anything. If the later is true, there are plenty of things that you can do with little to no money just to make your sweetheart feel special.

Everyone wants to feel special and when you are in a relationship, making your mate or partner feel special is key to longevity. Men and women like to know that they were thought about not just one day of the year but everyday.

Any gift given to your sweetheart should be very special and must be given a lot of thought. Perfume, wine, chocolates, flowers or maybe even a nice outfit are all good ideas for a man to surprise his lady with. Or he can make her a heartfelt gift such as a card, a piece of jewelry or a night in with dinner. Ladies, men like cologne, cufflings, clothes or maybe a get-a-way for just you and him.

If you want to go another route, Edible Arrangements may be for you!! They have beautiful arrangements that are edible and most definitely delicious! This idea will

Sweetheart Swizzle Bouquet $45

definitely earn you some points if you are in the doghouse or just want to let your mate know what’s on your mind. For as little as $25, you can get an arrangement for Valentine’s Day that will put a blush on her face.

Whatever you do….make sure that this gift is from the heart. Life is too short to not want to show the one you love that they are adored.

~Lohnnie Cakes



Old School Love….

When I woke up this morning…I was definitely feeling some type of way and just in the mood to listen to some real Old School music. Check out my youtube.com mix….

Day Two of Love

Today is February 2, 2012!!! Day two of the 14 days of love and it seems like the year is off to a fast start. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating New Years!

Anyway, Day One of Love should have been fairly simple, nothing too over the top. Maybe a Valentine’s Day card (handmade if possible) or a back or foot rub. Maybe you surprised your mate with both!! Either way don’t spend too much money on any gift at this stage because you want to lead up to that. The closer to Valentine’s Day, the more elaborate the gift.

Day Two should be simple as well. Maybe another card or fix a special dinner or even a love note in their things before they go to work. Remember, it’s the thought that counts and you them to know that they are very special to you.

~Lohnnie Cakes

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