Tag Archives: success

The New Me…

The new me came about a few months ago but has been in the making for a while. As I look back on my life, I see so many experiences, people and things have brought me to this point. I don’t regret anything. I don’t harbor animosity. I don’t hate anyone. I want all of this to be clear. I don’t envy anyone’s life or jealous of anything anyone has. I am that I am. And sweetheart….I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY LOHNNIE.

My journey started a few months ago as I stated previously. I was in a bit of a rut. Trying to really figure out what I wanted and needed to do with my life. Things looked great on the outside….I guess, but inside I was falling apart. Everyday we all age and move closer in the direction we have positioned ourselves in. I was unclear of what to do. The energy that I was receiving from my housemates was killing me…slowly. I think that a lot of people don’t understand that whatever energy you receive constantly or whatever energy you surround yourself with can change the course of how things go for you as well. If you are around negative people who bring negative situations into your life….you will carry that energy with you regardless of how positive you are. So everyday, if I wanted or needed to be productive, I had to leave the house just to have a clear mind. I had to leave the house just to be able to think clearly. I look back now and think…”What kind of hell was I living in and why did I do that?” But I know why. Negative energy can hold you down so long that you can’t and won’t see how to move forward. I made excuses for why I was doing what I was doing but the truth is….I was depressed. The medication was no help to me and it pushed me down even further. Sometimes all a person needs is to just talk about what bothers them. Sometimes all a person needs is an opportunity to see clearly. Sometimes all a person needs is to find their real motivation.

Months went by. Then years and I still made no progress. I was stagnant. I had succumbed to my surroundings and I started feeling too comfortable in the life I was living. I settled. It was the worse thing that I could have ever done but I allowed it to happen because I lost something. I lost something that I had my entire life up until a few years ago. I lost my self-confidence. Allowing what I THOUGHT should have been my life to take over. Allowing what I thought should have been mine to cause me pain and regret. I let people use me and take parts of me with them. My depression took over every aspect of my life. My self-confidence was based on what others thought of me. My lack of self-appreciation took me down many dark roads and caused me to attract more pain into my life. The uniqueness that was me was MIA.

The saying goes….”Whatever you feed will flourish. Whatever you starve will surely die.” I had to make a conscious decision to love and care for me and my life. I was feeding what was trying to kill me. I was feeding what was trying to destroy me. In life, we must decide what we will continue to feed and what we want to die. Thought, energy and words give power. What we fail to realize is that focus feeds the beast…whether good or bad…it feeds it. When you constantly give a person, a thing, a topic, an issue…anything you give energy or focus will grow. It feeds and prospers off of your attention. For months I believed that by spreading awareness of Lupus and the fact that I lived with this illness everyday would help draw more attention and help shed light. Honestly, all it did was drag me further into depression, hurt, dis-ease and confusion. I believed that it was what my life was all about but in reality I was birthed to be so much more than what I have! I started hurting and being in more pain than I have ever been. I was feeding the beast! My entire adult life I had lived with Lupus and no one knew! People would come to me and say that they never knew and wanted to know when I found out. I had been knowingly living with this dis-ease since I was 15 years old yet I had been living my life like I had no problems! Why? Because I didn’t feed the beast. I didn’t blame every pain, hurt or situation on my life with Lupus. Don’t get me wrong….I’m not saying that anyone should ignore their health. I’m not saying that you should just up and stop taking your meds. But what I am saying is that medicating isn’t working. Feeding the beast is not working. Being depressed is not working. Isolating myself is not working!

The pharmaceutical “business” is an entirely different subject that I really can’t begin to touch today. However, what I will say is that all of these medications that they give us only lead to more problems. Not only more issues with the initial reason for you taking the meds in the first place but also causing other problems that have nothing to do with the initial problem! The definition of medicine according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary the science and art dealing with the maintenance of health and the prevention, alleviation, or cure of disease. Yet modern medicine does NONE of this! It doesn’t prevent anything. It doesn’t effectively alleviate or cure anything! If anything, you develop other health issues and then go back to the doctor to allow them to make you even sicker. But again….that’s a topic for another day.

 

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Awake…

Tonight has not been one of the best nights. I feel like I have so many decisions to make and no direction but that’s for another post at another time. Right now, my body and my health is my concern.

In all honesty, I find it a struggle to get out of the bed every morning. I wake up and lay in bed hoping that I can fall back to sleep but rarely does it happen. My body aches and it feels like every muscle in my body is moving or cramping. My mind is racing…thinking about all of the things that need to be done. My body has other plans. I lay there for an hour….drifting in and out. By the time I get up, I have forgotten about all the things that need to be done. Brain fog. I wonder around the house for 30 mins and then I start trying to get my mind right.

What needs to be done? Is my son okay? Did I feed Tyler? Sheba? What medicine do I need to take? Did I take my meds yesterday? Where is my pain medicine? Why am I hurting right there? Where did that bruise come from? Why can’t I remember?

I suffer from an ailment named Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. People who don’t know or don’t understand have a hard time believing but this thing is a life-changer! At age 15, finding out that this was my fate was an eye opener. Growing up I always looked different because of my eyes, hair texture and overall look. Lupus was one more way for me to different from everyone but I just wanted to fit in….be normal. But that wasn’t in the cards for me. My ninth grade year in high school was a disaster. I was sick just about all year but once I made it out….I learned how to control my stress.

Through the years, God has blessed me with my son-what a blessing! He has blessed me with life, breath and my health. Until a couple of years ago, I virtually had no health problems except for the occasional flare from stress but I conquered even that! Mastered my stress levels and lived life!

I have come to the conclusion that I want to share my story. I want to share my neighbors story who suffer from this ailment as well. I want to be a part of gaining awareness for this ailment that affects so many but understood by very few. I believe that this is a part of my purpose. I believe that by sharing my story, I will save someone’s life. Maybe even make people pay attention! We need a cure!

I would like to aid in gaining more awareness, maybe assist in adding a South Carolina chapter of the Lupus Foundation of America, write a book and just do whatever I can to further my cause. I can always use help, guidance and mentorship because I am always striving for growth. If you would like to help in any way, please leave a comment or email me at lohnniecakes@live.com.

Lohnnie Cakes


Quote of the morning!!

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Hopefully this posting finds you in a blessed place and space this morning. My quote of the morning comes to us from Mr. Tony Robbins, motivational speaker. The quote talks about one of the most important things that you need to do in order to succeed in life.

Quote of the Morning:

“If you want to succeed in your life, remember this phrase. The past does not equal The future. Because you failed yesterday; or all day today, or a moment ago, or for the last six months; the last 16 years, or the last fifty years of life doesn’t mean anything…All that matters is what are you going to do, Right Now.”

– Tony Robbins

Have a blessed day!!

~Lohnnie Cakes


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