Tag Archives: thoughts

Knowledge Is Power

A poem by Me…for whomever…

I have decided that every day I will put forth the effort to learn more about myself and better overstand my life.
From the very beginning…to the present day, I HAVE to learn what has caused my people so much strife.
This thing didn’t start with Martin Luther King or should I say Michael King, Jr….do you know who I mean?
This thing didn’t start with Mary McLeod Bethune…these are just the ones they want to be seen.
This thing started the day they started erasing Our Story and calling it their own to make us feel like nothing.
This thing started the day they decided we weren’t worth shit and wanted to treat us like we weren’t really something.
You see….until Our History is recognized and Our Story is told truthfully….
These muthafuckas gone always feel how they feel and look at us stupidly.
Everyday that we degrade Our Women and make Our Men feel like shit….
Is a step in the wrong direction and empowering that Willie Lynch bullshit.
We must understand that Knowledge is Power and THAT’S NOT JUST A SLOGAN!
We must take control of our future and fix what is truly broken.




The New Me…

The new me came about a few months ago but has been in the making for a while. As I look back on my life, I see so many experiences, people and things have brought me to this point. I don’t regret anything. I don’t harbor animosity. I don’t hate anyone. I want all of this to be clear. I don’t envy anyone’s life or jealous of anything anyone has. I am that I am. And sweetheart….I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY LOHNNIE.

My journey started a few months ago as I stated previously. I was in a bit of a rut. Trying to really figure out what I wanted and needed to do with my life. Things looked great on the outside….I guess, but inside I was falling apart. Everyday we all age and move closer in the direction we have positioned ourselves in. I was unclear of what to do. The energy that I was receiving from my housemates was killing me…slowly. I think that a lot of people don’t understand that whatever energy you receive constantly or whatever energy you surround yourself with can change the course of how things go for you as well. If you are around negative people who bring negative situations into your life….you will carry that energy with you regardless of how positive you are. So everyday, if I wanted or needed to be productive, I had to leave the house just to have a clear mind. I had to leave the house just to be able to think clearly. I look back now and think…”What kind of hell was I living in and why did I do that?” But I know why. Negative energy can hold you down so long that you can’t and won’t see how to move forward. I made excuses for why I was doing what I was doing but the truth is….I was depressed. The medication was no help to me and it pushed me down even further. Sometimes all a person needs is to just talk about what bothers them. Sometimes all a person needs is an opportunity to see clearly. Sometimes all a person needs is to find their real motivation.

Months went by. Then years and I still made no progress. I was stagnant. I had succumbed to my surroundings and I started feeling too comfortable in the life I was living. I settled. It was the worse thing that I could have ever done but I allowed it to happen because I lost something. I lost something that I had my entire life up until a few years ago. I lost my self-confidence. Allowing what I THOUGHT should have been my life to take over. Allowing what I thought should have been mine to cause me pain and regret. I let people use me and take parts of me with them. My depression took over every aspect of my life. My self-confidence was based on what others thought of me. My lack of self-appreciation took me down many dark roads and caused me to attract more pain into my life. The uniqueness that was me was MIA.

The saying goes….”Whatever you feed will flourish. Whatever you starve will surely die.” I had to make a conscious decision to love and care for me and my life. I was feeding what was trying to kill me. I was feeding what was trying to destroy me. In life, we must decide what we will continue to feed and what we want to die. Thought, energy and words give power. What we fail to realize is that focus feeds the beast…whether good or bad…it feeds it. When you constantly give a person, a thing, a topic, an issue…anything you give energy or focus will grow. It feeds and prospers off of your attention. For months I believed that by spreading awareness of Lupus and the fact that I lived with this illness everyday would help draw more attention and help shed light. Honestly, all it did was drag me further into depression, hurt, dis-ease and confusion. I believed that it was what my life was all about but in reality I was birthed to be so much more than what I have! I started hurting and being in more pain than I have ever been. I was feeding the beast! My entire adult life I had lived with Lupus and no one knew! People would come to me and say that they never knew and wanted to know when I found out. I had been knowingly living with this dis-ease since I was 15 years old yet I had been living my life like I had no problems! Why? Because I didn’t feed the beast. I didn’t blame every pain, hurt or situation on my life with Lupus. Don’t get me wrong….I’m not saying that anyone should ignore their health. I’m not saying that you should just up and stop taking your meds. But what I am saying is that medicating isn’t working. Feeding the beast is not working. Being depressed is not working. Isolating myself is not working!

The pharmaceutical “business” is an entirely different subject that I really can’t begin to touch today. However, what I will say is that all of these medications that they give us only lead to more problems. Not only more issues with the initial reason for you taking the meds in the first place but also causing other problems that have nothing to do with the initial problem! The definition of medicine according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary the science and art dealing with the maintenance of health and the prevention, alleviation, or cure of disease. Yet modern medicine does NONE of this! It doesn’t prevent anything. It doesn’t effectively alleviate or cure anything! If anything, you develop other health issues and then go back to the doctor to allow them to make you even sicker. But again….that’s a topic for another day.


Just checking in……

Good morning!!!!

Today is definitely a blessed day! I wanted to just check in and discuss some things. The past couple of weeks have been a little turbulent but I’m a stronger person for it. Today is actually the first day this week that I haven’t been super busy so I decided to share.

Aside from my research for Purple Ribbonz, my Mother has been dealing with some things, I have been a little under the weather and then I have been helping my neighbor because she had surgery. So I have been very, very busy and still trying to submerge myself into other things. But aside from being tired (for reasons related to my Lupus), I looooooove keeping busy. It keeps my mind off of things unpleasant.

Okay so Purple Ribbonz is my brainchild! I am still researching and putting everything together. I hope to one day be able to help woman (and maybe men) that are affected by Lupus or any other ailment that makes them lose their hair. Personally, Lupus and the medication thinned my hair and sometimes makes me feel like I’m losing a lot of hair but its never been huge patches. For that, I am grateful  As a woman, sometimes your hair means more than it should but its something that I can’t help. So watch out for PURPLE RIBBONZ!!!!

As I said before, I have been a little under the weather. Low grade fever. Aching muscles. Tired all of the time. I have been to my general doctor numerous times and she has not been able to find anything wrong so it has just come down to me visiting a Rhematologist and them telling me what I already know. My Lupus is flaring. Either way, I am determined to stay awake and handle my business. I almost have to…..no one else will handle it for me.

Thank you so much to reading my ramblings. I know I talked about a few things today but I know that everything will come together in the end. Its in our destiny to be successful…..we just have to walk into it.

Be blessed….

Ms. Cakes

Late night thoughts…..



I know that it has been a few days since I last posted and honestly things have been super crazy with me working, going out of town for the weekend and then planning my birthday party. This weekend I attended some of the CIAA activities in Charlotte, NC. The CIAA is the Central Intercollegiate Athletic Association and it is the oldest African-American athletic conference in the nation. Every year they hold championship games and for the past few years it has been held in Charlotte, NC. During this week event(its a lot going on), there are parties and event galore! Day parties, night parties and tournaments. Its like a nonstop party and it gets a little crazy but its fun.

Now that I got my party on this weekend, its time to get on the grind for my birthday party planning. I am planning my 31st birthday party and I am so excited but I am feeling a little overwhelmed by everything that goes into planning. Event planning is not hard it has the potential to be overwhelming and make you feel like you are going to forget something. I have most of the basics covered; however, the main thing that I have been worrying about has yet to be fully addressed. I know how I would like to decorate but I have to just get all of the necessary materials….that’s the hard part.

My theme is The Champagne Life so I want a champagne fountain and lots of balloons everywhere. So……the balloons are what is causing the problem but I will get it all together this week. Please wish me luck.

Then, I also have some adult parties booked this month and I’m starting to feel a little crazy but I know that I have to do what I have to do. Because I don’t have a “full-time” job, I have a few hustles that I do to make sure that I have what I need for my household. Thank God that everything always comes together.

This morning while I was about to head home from North Carolina, I found out that a young lady passed away and it Imagekind of touched a soft spot. She passed away on the morning of her birthday. Hearing about it made me sit back and think about all of the things that we as humans hold onto for frivolous reasons. We take so much for granted. We never know when its going to be our time so we have to spend the time that we have wisely. I didn’t know her but just hearing about it made me feel some type of way today. May she R.I.P…..

~Lohnnie Cakes

My Thoughts

More often than not, we as humans dig holes for ourselves that sometimes we are unable to get out of the way we would like. We set goals and then sit back and do nothing. Or we create a vision board to showcase all of the things we want to accomplish but don’t take the necessary steps in order to put them in motion. Or we have all of these goals or things that we really want to do and we don’t write them down.

Knowing, making your wants visual and taking the behind the scene steps are all the “things” that get most people tripped up in the goal setting process.
Don’t you know that if you have no idea where you want to go, you are lost? Don’t you know that without Faith, all works are dead? Don’t you know that without persistence, you may as well not even start your mission in the first place…..

“Faith first, mindset second, goals third, action fourth, persistence always”. As I was reading The Daily Love by Mastin Kipp, I read across this phrase in his blog. A rule to live by!! If you have read or seen The Secret, you know that having faith and setting goals are really important in order to bring what you want into fruition! But if your mindset is not right or you are not taking the necessary actions to make your faith and goals produce fruit, you are ramming your head against the wall.

There will be roadblocks and the devil will try to derail you, but persistence is key! Don’t allow someone else to have your glory! Don’t allow someone else to take your dream away!

Have faith that you will see it through! Have the mindset that you can have what you want! Set your goals one by one! Set those goals on FIRE with action! And be persistent! Know that, you know that your dreams and goals will be a reality!

~Lohnnie Cakes


Dating Rules Part I


I went looking for all this information about dating, love and single women rules. After all, I am a dating single woman who would at some point in life be in love….lol. But after my weekend, I needed a boost or some type of outlet for all of these things in my head. I am so blessed to be able to come on my blog and just type how I feel! Its therapeutic with out paying all the money for a therapist or  gym membership.

The guys that I meet….most of them are crazy, crazy or just plain crazy! They all try to make themselves and/or life look better than what it really is. Its shameful that ANY man has to portray himself as a controller of his destiny when he is just being controlled. Don’t claim to be a “BOSS” when you don’t own ANYTHING. Don’t claim to have money when you are worried about $100. Don’t claim to live a life that you don’t live….PERIOD! Its really becoming an epidemic and its spreading fast!! Men aren’t what they used to be and the same thing could be said for women (but I’m talking about men right now lol).

So I searched the Internet high and low to find what other thought about the dating world. What rules they had adapted and what made them adapt those rules? I found a fellow blogger by the name of Demetria Lucas, she is the author of A Belle In BrooklynShe also wrote an article called “8 Essential Dating Rules for Today’s Single Woman“* in which she talks about some rules that she thinks every single woman should know.

She set forth the following rules:

Article 1: Married folk must remove all exes from their personal basket and return items to the shelf for consumption by the general market. Said married people are not obligated to hook up, arrange blind dates, or introduce their single friends to said exes.

Article 2: Currently booed-up people can still claim exes off-limits, if the ex is within the last three years. Upon entering a monogamous relationship, they must release all exes with whom they parted ways more than three years back into the open market for general consumption.

Article 3: All college boos must be released back into the open market for general consumption at three years post-graduation.

Article 4: All great loves remain off-limits to the circle of associates, regardless of marital/dating status.

Article 5: One-night stands are in play after ninety days.
*Anyone your friends would say fits the description of Big on Sex and the City.

Article 6: Jump-offs who have not been active for more than twelve months are fair game.

Article 7: Your ex’s inner circle of friends remains off-limits unless the ex grants permission. His associates are fair game without asking permission.

Article 8: In the case of a man who has been “claimed,” i.e., an interest has been expressed, but a return interest has not been expressed, said man is in play of friends and associates after a period of seven days.

They seem pretty simple, but these are rules that woman struggle with everyday!! But these rules didn’t quite cover what I had on my mind. I needed a set of rules or things that all women should think about when meeting and dating these men of today. So now I feel like I have been commissioned to do this!! I have been thru enough in my adult dating life to know what we should be looking for as indicators to let us know when a dude is crazy!!

Another article that I ran across was on the Glamour.com website. The article is called “15 Love Rules of Single Women“** and it is comprised of different people giving suggestions. Awesome advice for people (not just women) who are having a tough time dating. (Me included lol) I’m only going to highlight a few of the rules….

Rule #1: “Guys are like subway trains. Don’t run after them; another one is on its way.”
—canuck, on glamour.com
This is very true!! Depending upon where you in the world, the ratio of men to women can be ridiculous and discourage most women but you are in luck!! If you live in a big city, the ratio of men to women is out of wack….most definitely. Men are everywhere but the trick is to find a GOOD man.

Rule #2: “If he says he isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him.”
—Kerri Otto, 32, Traverse City, Mich.
If he says that he is not ready….RUN!! This is a man that, depending on what he really wants, can be dangerous! Don’t think that he will change his mind or that you are the special one that can change him. He isn’t looking for a GIRLFRIEND….seriously. I’m serious….seriously!

Rule #3: “My grandfather had some gems: ‘Don’t be with a stupid man just to be with any man.’ ‘A real man always takes care of his family.’ ‘You don’t want to be walked over, and you don’t want a man you can walk over, either.’ And my favorite: ‘Don’t be a fool, Michelle. You can be anything you want, but don’t be a fool.’”
—Michelle Porter, 28, Charlotte, N.C
All of these “gems” are very useful especially the one about being with a stupid man!!

Rule #4: “Respect yourself. I said to my ex, ‘I’m not going to make you my everything if I’m only your something.’”
—Alyssa Stabile, 19, Boston
If you respecting yourself, it will show in everything you do and a man will see that and have no choice but to follow suit.

Rule #5: “It’s OK to show up at a guy’s house with a dozen roses and declare your undying affection. It’s OK to have too much to drink and call your ex 20 times and then to be mortally embarrassed when you realize your number must have shown up on his caller ID. It’s OK, because making a fool of yourself for love is ultimately about you, how much you have to give and the distances you will travel to keep your heart wide open when everything around you makes you feel like slamming it shut and soldering it closed.”
—Veronica Chambers, Glamour’s features director and author of The Joy of Doing Things Badly
I had to save this one for last. This is probably the best piece of advice that anyone could give but I urge any woman to know and make sure that he is the right man.

*Read more: http://www.tipsonlifeandlove.com/love-and-relationships/8-essential-dating-rules-for-todays-single-woman#ixzz1mzFlCG7U
**Read More http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/02/15-love-rules-for-single-women#ixzz1mzYBTZnB

~Lohnnie Cakes

My lil VACA

This weekend I had a trip planned for a small vacation in Atlanta…..never again on these terms!! I came here with the intention to relax, go out, have fun and enjoy myself….it didn’t quite happen that way lol…..

There happened to be a hair show going on this weekend in Atlanta so the majority of the hotels were booked and very packed. It was crazy!! I got here on Friday afternoon and it was a roller coaster ride the entire time.

I bought my cousin with me and ended up begging her to go on a lil “date” with me. Needless to say, I should have checked out and counted my loses after seeing how my “date” was acting. His behavior got worse and came to a crash and burn situation early this morning.

This situation has definitely opened my eyes and given me a reason to write down some things that all women should look for before starting a relationship. I don’t know if I was in real danger but the situation scared me enough to be more pre cautious.

~Lohnnie Cakes

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